Going to the dentist as an exercise in stress management

I went to the dentist the other day for a routine cleaning. I really don't like going to the dentist. It is painful! First they take those sharp metal tools that they use to scrape and pick at your teeth. They push and pull with rather concerning force at times, I worry they slip and put one of those things right through my cheek. Then they switch to polishing, with the sandy toothpaste.

The worst part, though ...

...I think, is the flossing. My teeth are so tight together in places that they really push down hard to get the floss between them. Once the floss gets beyond the bottleneck between my teeth, it snaps down onto the gums with painful force. It feels like a knife slicing through my gums! 

Not only is the whole event physically painful, but it can be emotionally painful too! They always ask me how often I have been flossing. I hate to answer, because it is never as often as it should be. I feel such shame. Like a little kid being scolded by a disapproving parent. 

I am picking a bit here. I don't mean to be disrespectful to dentist or hygienists. They don't mean to cause me pain. They are just doing their jobs. It is a very important job, and despite the pain, I am thankful for the work they do. Obviously the little bit of pain and discomfort they cause me now helps to prevent worse pain and suffering in the future. 

The point of my rambling, though, is to share the thought I had during my recent cleaning: going to the dentist can be used as an exercise in stress management. 

The pain and suffering I endured during my cleaning was stressful. My solution to dealing with this stress should not be to eliminate this stress by avoiding the dentist (though my wife will tell you that I do tend to avoid the dentist). I need to accept this stress as an unfortunate, but unavoidable aspect of the teeth cleaning, which is very important (the teeth cleaning is important, not the stress). Because the teeth cleaning is so important, I must be willing to accept the pain and suffering, the stress, that comes with it. 

Acceptance here does not mean that I must somehow come to enjoy the pain and stress. Acceptance just means that I tolerate it and I don't do anything to try and stop it. (Although, my wife has tried to explain to me that if I go to the dentist every 6 months like I am supposed to, then my teeth will be healthier in general, and so they won't have to scrape so hard every time; I guess that would technically be a way I could at least reduce the stress). 

Acceptance does not mean choosing to
like or enjoy the pain/stress,
but rather a conscious decision to do nothing to
stop the pain/stress;
​it means I allow myself to experience it.

Anyway, I am going to allow myself to experience the stress of the teeth cleaning in order obtain the more important benefit of having clean and healthy teeth and gums. This acceptance of stress that we cannot eliminate is a good part of a healthy stress management plan (look up Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, aka ACT, which talks all about this idea). 

What I really wanted to share here, though, was how sitting in a chair, not allowed to move, with your mouth open and full of sharp metal objects, is a great time to focus on muscle tension in the rest of your body. 

As I sat in the dentist chair, with my mouth open and full of sharp objects, anticipating the pain of a scraper slipping and catching my gums, I noticed that my arms, my hands, my legs, my feet, my hips, my back, and even my forehead and eyebrows, were all tense. 

This of course makes perfect sense. When my limbic system (the emotion center of the brain, responsible for triggering the disaster response plan, aka fight-or-flight reflex) is anticipating physical, bodily harm, it gets the entire body prepared to fight. Even though the frontal lobes (which control reason, rationality, etc.) know on an intellectual level that my hygienist is very skilled, compassionate, and careful, and will not harm me, my limbic system is still not so sure, and so is preparing the body for a fight anyway just in case. 

Because I have nowhere to go - I cannot get up and run away from the stress, and I am trying to be accepting of the stress for the purpose of the greater good of clean/healthy teeth - why not focus on relaxing my muscles? Focus on taking deep breaths (through the nose of course; not the mouth full of sharp objects or sand-filled toothpaste). Focus on each individual muscle group: your feet, your leg muscles, your hands, your arms, your neck, your shoulders, your forehead and other face muscles. 

The ability to experience a high level of stress (the pain of the cleaning and the anticipation and associated fear/anxiety of more pain) and yet maintain a relaxed body (control the level of tension in my muscles) is an extremely important skill. This is an extremely important component of a healthy stress management strategy. ​

The ability to experience a high level of stress
and yet maintain a relaxed body
​is an extremely important skill. 

This skill is very tricky, however, because the limbic system (that emotional circuitry in the brain) is so very powerful, and so very fast. The limbic system, when it anticipates danger or injury, triggers a whole host of physiological changes in an instant. Because of this, it takes much practice and purposefulness to strengthen this skill. 

Encouragingly, when you practice and strengthen this skill in situations like the stress of a teeth cleaning, you will improve your ability to use and practice this skill in other contexts too. Although something like making mistakes at work and the resulting comments/criticisms from a supervisor, or a heated disagreement with a co-worker, may not involve physical pain like the teeth cleaning, they both are stressful situations that result in increased muscle tension.

This increased muscle tension, if occurring frequently or intensely over long periods of time, causes significant wear and tear on our bodies, and can negatively affect both our physical and mental health. Increasing the skill of minimizing muscle tension in the midst of stress is important for reducing the wear and tear that stress has on our bodies. 

Minimizing muscle tension 
in the 
midst of stress.

So, the next time you visit your dentist for a teeth cleaning, focus on relaxing your body as much as possible. Begin by paying attention to your feet, and slowly shift your attention to different muscle groups making your way up towards your shoulders and face. See how relaxed and limp you can make each muscle group (with the exception of those keeping your mouth open, of course!). 

Assuming that the pain and discomfort of the cleaning is truly within the range of what you would normally expect, then as you focus on relaxing your muscles, also reassure your limbic system. Remind your limbic system that the pain in your mouth is normal and acceptable. Encourage your limbic system that the pain is "ok" and that you are not in danger. 

Reassure your limbic system,
​as if it is a little child going to the dentist for the very first time, needing reassurance from a comforting parent.
Seriously.
Try it. 

Unfortunately, if the only time you practice this is at the dentist office, you won't really strengthen this skill. Going to the gym to exercise doesn't do much good if we only go once every 6 months. Use your next teeth cleaning to practice this skill, but also look for other opportunities, other moments of "normal" pain or stress, in which to exercise this skill.

The more you practice it, the better you will become at minimizing muscle tension in the midst of stress. The better you become at minimizing muscle tension, the happier and healthier your body will be!