Mindfulness exercise: picking the right weight.

by matt bridgman

Have you ever tried a mindfulness meditation and accidentally fallen asleep? Or better, yet, tried a mindfulness exercise and became so frustrated with your mind wandering away that it was anything BUT relaxing? What do you do when it seems like "mindfulness meditation" is not working?

In a previous post I discussed three steps of mindfulness exercise:
Step 1: picking something to pay attention to,
Step 2: noticing your mind when it wanders away, and 
Step 3: shifting your attention back to what you picked.

Sometimes what you pick for step 1 (the "sidewalk", as we discussed it in the last post) has a big impact on the success (or failure) of your mindfulness practice. 

How do you pick what to pay attention to? You could pick almost anything. Let's call these mindfulness objects. 
(Ultimately, the goal of practicing mindfulness is not to just become good at "doing" mindfulness, but rather for mindfulness to become a way of "being". In this way, we end up being mindful in almost anything that we are doing - hopefully. In the meantime, however, as we are learning and cultivating this skill, how do we choose what to use for practice/exercise?)

One of the most common methods of practicing mindfulness is to pay attention to our breathing. A simple mindfulness exercise involves spending several minutes focusing on your breath, and everything about it: the sensation of our breathing, the sound of breathing, the smells, the movement of our body as we breath, etc. 

Other ideas for step 1 include the sensations associated with walking. Go for a slow stroll, and focus your attention on the sounds and other sensations associated with walking (such as the sensation of your feet against the floor). 

Mindfulness in the shower is popular: pay attention to the sensation of the water against your shoulders, the temperature of the water against your skin, the sounds of the shower, etc. Notice how your mind likes to wander away from the shower. Where does your mind like to go instead? Be careful not to judge your mind for wandering away (it is designed to wander to some degree), and then just gently guide your attention back to the present moment in the shower. 

Mindfulness with your morning coffee (or any other food/beverage) is another idea.

One of my own recent experiences: I have two office locations, and on Wednesdays I spend the morning at one, and the afternoon at the other. One particular Wednesday recently I was rushing through lunch and packing my bags as I was running late to get across town. Before I knew it I had eaten half of a really good brownie without even realizing it. I failed to enjoy half of that brownie. At that moment I chose to practice mindfulness with the remaining half of that brownie; I sat down and paid 100% attention to my remaining bites of brownie, and I enjoyed it thoroughly. Mindfulness with food can be a very enjoyable way of practicing.

I like mindfulness with food, and mindfulness with breathing. However, you may not find these exercises enjoyable or helpful. What works for me for step 1 will not necessarily work as well, or in the same way for you. For starters, find something enjoyable. 

If mindfulness meditation is like exercise for your brain, then the objects of your attention are like dumbbells, which can vary in weight.

Different mindfulness objects will be light weights, while others will be heavy weights. Mindfulness objects that are very enjoyable or exciting are naturally easier to pay attention to. Mindfulness practice with these objects is easier.

For example, video games as a mindfulness object for a 10 year old boy is a very light weight (or better yet a helium ballon, haha). His mind doesn't easily wander away from the video games. Therefore, practicing mindfulness with a video game is not really strengthening attention. It is too easy and will not be very effective for strengthening the skill of mindfulness.

In contrast, for that same 10 year old boy, to sit still and pay attention to  his breathing would be VERY difficult. This would be challenging because this is very BORING. Breathing, then, for this 10 y.o. boy, is a very heavy weight - a very challenging mindfulness object. We might then think that this would be much more effective in strengthening his skill of mindfulness. However, for this particular kid, this weight might actually be too heavy (at least initially). 

It is possible to practice mindfulness with objects that are either too light (like the video games, or anything that is very enjoyable, interesting, or exciting), or too heavy (too boring). Both of these will be rather unhelpful, or even discouraging. It is very important to find mindfulness objects that are lighter, but not too light, and then slowly challenge ourselves with heavier and heavier objects over time. 

We might consider creating for ourselves a mindfulness object hierarchy. For myself, this might look like the following (from lightest/easiest to heaviest/most difficult):
1. video games or a really good television show
2. playing any type of sport 
3. playing the drums
4. reading something interesting 
5. food (coffee, ice cream, brownies, fruit, etc.)
6. listening to an interesting lecture
7. listening to a not-so-interesting lecture
8. reading something not-so interesting
9. taking a shower
10. breathing and/or muscle relaxation

Now, other factors can interfere with how difficult it is to practice mindfulness with each of these things. For example, when I have slept well the night before, practicing with #6 goes fairly well. If I stayed up late and then didn't sleep well, then practicing with #6 may not go so well. When life is busier, or more stressful, #4 may feel more like #8. If you notice that mindfulness is more difficult some days than others, or some times of day compared to other times of day, don't worry - that is normal. 

Vary the objects of your mindfulness practice depending on the day, time, stress level, or just how you are feeling in the moment. In this way, you can find the right level of mindfulness exercise in order to get in a good workout without working too hard and becoming frustrated. 

What does a successful practice look like?
Our goal in this cannot be to ever stop our mind from wandering.  The mind likes to wander and a wandering mind does have some benefits. Instead, consider success to be: improvement in our ability to catch our mind more quickly when it does wander away, and to more easily shift it back to whatever is most important in the moment (the mindfulness object). 

Give it a try. Create a mindfulness object hierarchy for yourself (your own set of weights). Pick one of the lighter weights/objects to get started. Now that you have completed step one, keep going with steps 2 and 3 (see the three steps at the beginning of this post). Oh yes, and keep in mind the "non-judgmental attitude" that I referred to in the previous post.