“Sorry, I am just terrible with names.”

by matt bridgman

​“Hi! How are you doing?” is the line I typically use when I cannot remember someone’s name. I just jump right into conversation so I don’t have to use their name. I have friends who seem to memorize names after hearing them only once. I definitely do not have that skill. I study and test memory for a living, and yet I am really bad about remembering people’s names.
 
Fortunately, I have talked to quite a few people who experience a similar “name-finding” difficulty (not fortunate for them, of course, but it makes me feel less bad about myself).  However, I recently decided that I probably should not just accept my name-finding impairment, and so I decided to do something about it.

I have since come across a number of resources about improving memory for names. Rather than strictly following any of the strategies outlined in those resources, I ended up using bits and pieces here and there depending on the situation.
 
Some of the key concepts that I have begun to use:

1. Adjusting my attitude and expectations: I am working to stop accepting that “I am just bad at names, and that is how it is going to be.” I began to tell myself “I can be good at remembering names. I will become good at remembering names.” (ummm…”I think I can. I think I can.”). I may never be as good as some of my friends, but I can certainly do better than I am right now. Some of the specific “improving memory for names” resources included positive expectations as an important step. Furthermore, scientific research in general has clearly supported the idea that expectations affect behavior, performance, and even recovery from illness and injury. If I expect to be bad at names, I will be bad at names. Just changing my expectations in a positive direction will start to improve my memory for names.
2. Paying closer attention: expecting myself to do better with names helps me then to also pay closer attention to names and spend more time thinking about peoples’ names (if I don’t expect to remember it anyway, why would my brain put forth any effort to learn it?).
3. Use names more often in general, in conversation and greetings. I found myself avoiding even using the names of friends in greeting or conversation. My name-finding impairment at times is bad enough that I get nervous about using a wrong name when talking to friends (that would be so embarrassing!). However, this avoidance has the very unfortunate effect of further weakening my brain’s “name retrieval muscle” (Use it or lose it!). So I therefore started to use even just my friends’ names more often (though being careful not to go overboard), in the hopes that this would harness some of the power of neuroplasticity (the brain’s ability to change itself; see neuroplasticity Resources/Links) and really strengthen my brain’s ability to learn and remember names.
4. Association and visual imagery: I started associating peoples’ names with anything that came to mind: another person I already know that has the same name, an object whose name rhymes with the new person’s name, etc. I made these associations as visual as possible.

 
Improvement certainly did not happen quickly. The first few weeks were actually uncomfortable: before now, I was comfortable in accepting my name-finding impairment and avoidance of using people’s names. It was a comfortable habit. Now that I was challenging myself to stop avoiding people’s names, I was noticing a little more anxiety about using the wrong names. I think I did use a wrong name a time or two, but thankfully the sky did not fall as my anxiety was predicting.
 
Last weekend was the first time I noticed a significant improvement. I attended a small conference. In one of the first sessions, the speaker had all audience members introduce themselves. There were only about 30 people in attendance. I thought “what a great opportunity to test out my new and improved name-learning skills!”
 
I was actually pretty impressed with myself. I certainly did not learn all of their names, but I definitely learned and retained more than if I hadn’t been practicing the above strategies for the past few weeks.
 
Here are some of the names I learned, and the associations that helped them stick:

1. Carol – I had a real estate agent named Carol, and she and the new Carol have similar hair.
2. Raquel – this is an uncommon name, which already helps it stick better. But then I though of Shawshank Redemption and the voice of Morgan Freeman talking about the Raquel poster. That really made it stick.
3. Wendy – I don’t have any friends named Wendy. Well, that’s not true. I did know a Wendy years ago, but she didn’t come to mind right away. What came to mind first was Wendy’s restaurant. I like their spicy chicken sandwich. Wendy didn’t have red hair, but her hairstyle was slightly similar to the Wendy’s girl.
4. Charles – “Charles In Charge” the old TV show. This guy also was pleasant, but had a demeanor as if he was in charge of something.
5. Jenny – Jenny from Forest Gump, recalling the sound of Tom Hanks saying “Jenny”
6. Erin – I have a friend named Erin, and they both have similar looking noses.
7. Mark – I have a family member named Mark, so that was easy.

There were a few more, but I won’t bore you with the details. I am sure you get the idea by now.
 
Below are links to two of the resources I found most helpful.
 
http://www.brainline.org/content/2008/11/id-you-meet-whats-her-face-strategies-remembering-names_pageall.html
This article on brainline.org is packed with ideas about how to improve our memory for names. Information in this article was reportedly taken from a publication by the National Resource Center for Traumatic Brain Injury, titled Memory Matters: Strategies for Managing Everyday Memory Problems.
 
Ron White also presents a very good strategy for remembering names.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m2GI0huaV5s
(if the link doesn’t work, search youtube for “Ron White how to remember names”)
From a neuropsychological perspective, his strategy is spot on. Focus/attention is a necessary first step to remembering anything. Mental organization (filing) of new information is vital to efficient retrieval. He then uses a combination of associations, elaborative encoding, and visual imagery to assist further with the organization/filing and enhancement of retrieval.
 
Check out the resources and give a few of my suggestions a try. See what works for you. Drop me a note and share your favorite way to avoid using names or your favorite name memorization technique. Feel free to also share any problems or barriers you have as you work towards improving your memory for names.